The Gang Does Stuff
by BNVshark
Summary: Y'know, sometimes the gang does more stuff that what you see on TV. Like the time they went to a Gay Pride Parade, or the time Dee became a published author. What about the time Charlie and Mac decided to go the college? Rated for language, situations, and general mean spiritedness on everyones' parts. Dee doesn't understand why anyone puts up with these guys.


**Philidelphia, PA.**

**10 A.M.**

**On a Sunday**

"Hey-oh!" Mac practically kicked the door down as he waltzed into the bar. In his left hand was a tub of whey protein. In his right was a 20 pound dumbbell. Dee rolled her eyes. Shit, it was _that_ time of the year.

"I've gotta pump up, guys. I'm gonna go and bang _all_ those sorority chicks now that summer's on," he said in-between sets of curls.

Dee looked at Dennis. Dennis looked at Charlie. Charlie looked at Frank. Frank looked at Dee.

It was June, which meant two things to Mac. First, Gay Pride Month, not that he publicly acknowledged its existence, and "Declare Your Masculinity for Everyone to See," Month, where he upped the intensity of his glamour muscle routines up to 11 and tried to bang as many girls as possible.

Everyone knew why he acted the way he did, particularly during June, but none of them felt the need to actually call the thicker guy out on it. If they did, then Mac would do something stupid and dangerous, and it wouldn't be worthwhile because none of them would stand to get anything out of it.

Dee, Dennis, Charlie and Frank all looked at each other again. They needed a private group discussion. Now.

"Hey, Mac," Dennis said to his friend. He had a caring tone, one that a mother would use on her child to share a delicate piece of information. "You're looking a little flat in the pec area there, buddy. I think you… uh… should work on that."

"I think I'm just fine…" Mac tried to sound confident, but his self-consciousness shined like a lighthouse. He looked down on his shirt, feeling his pecs. "They're… uh…" He flexed, felt them again, then ran into the bathroom, presumably to get a better look at them with the mirror. The remaining four rushed into the office, quietly shutting the door behind them.

"This is getting ridiculous," Dee said in a hushed tone. "He's getting worse and worse every year. We need to do something before he tries burning down the bar to prove to everyone how manly he is. Again."

Charlie and Frank stared blankly in her direction. They clearly didn't pay heed to what she said.

"No," Dennis said, putting a finger up. "Dee's right."

Dee always gave herself mental high-fives whenever someone said she was right. Curse her deep psychological issues.

"No wait…" Dennis continued. "Ew. Dee's right?" He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. Carefully, with delicate, waxed fingers, he opened it, and started reciting what was typed on it. "Dee, you look like a bird. You're dumb. If you still wore your metal backbrace, people could get excellent cell phone reception from it. I'm smart, you're stupid. I'm strong, you're weak. You look like Skeletor. It physically pains me that we both spent 9 months shoved inside the same sac. Ostrich. Emu. Flightless bird, etcetera…"

Charlie and Frank clapped. Dee mockingly laughed. Oh, they'd respect her s_omeday._

"Anyway, guys," Dennis continued. "Mac's getting ridiculous. He's getting worse and worse every year."

"What the hell," Dee interrupted. "I _just_ said that."

The three guys put their index fingers up, wordlessly telling Dee to be quiet. She scowled, but listened anyway.

"We shouldn't attempt to dissuade this behavior," Dennis said. "We need to work on cultivating it, and using it to help him grow as a person." When Frank or Charlie still didn't seem interested, Dennis tacked on an extra part. "Plus we'll film his transformation and sell it as a documentary. The setting…" He spread his hands apart, and took a deep breath in. "The Philadelphia Pride Parade."

"I've got the camera!" Charlie shot out of his seat atop the desk and charged out.

"And I've got the gay porn!" Frank stood up next. When Dennis looked at him, questioningly, he finished his statement. "Y'know, for exposure therapy."

"Excellent idea." Dennis flashed a quick grin and clapped his hands together. "Now that we're all on the same page, let's get this show on the road!" He banged his fists against the table, and walked out, with the short man, leaving Dee all alone.

Dee kept a death grip on her car keys. She'd have to drive them there, otherwise, one of them would steal it, inevitably leaving her with yet another wrecked car. When she heard one of the guys mentioning bringing along an entire keg with them, something that her new car didn't have the trunk space to fit, she loudly groaned.

"Shit."

**The Gang Does Gay Pride.**

"There's not enough room in here," Charlie complied, wriggling in his seat in a feeble attempt to spread his legs apart and, as he stated earlier, 'breath live into his nether regions.' The keg was fixed right upon his lap, to his dismay. Dennis and his camera took up the last two seats in the back seat. Mac was riding shot gun, messily scooping into his tub of whey with his bear hands. Frank? He was in the trunk. Convertibles weren't particularly heavy in space to begin with, but Frank didn't mind being shoved into the cramped space. Dee gave him enough beer and sausage fingers to last him the whole 2 hour drive.

"So where are we goin'?" Mac puffed out clouds of powdery protein between each word. Dee would have freaked out and told him not to cram his face with that stuff, but she thought that would be more than a little counterintuitive. If all went well, Mac would be cramming his face full for the next few days. With dick.

"We want to enjoy this June with you," she said with a snicker. "So we're going to this really… manly… uh…"

"You're not the only one who celebrates June like you do," Dennis continued. "In fact, I think plenty of men in Philly think June is the most magical month of the year."

"And, uh…" Charlie went next just as Dennis flipped on the camera. "It's manly… With guys all over each other… rubbing up on each other… and…" When Mac looked at him with a raised eyebrow, Charlie froze. "But it's not gay. Not at all. No homo, man. Just guys doing guy stuff. All month. With each other. And no women."

Mac nodded approvingly. "Alright. But…" he pointed to Dee, who rolled her eyes. This was the part when one of them would poke fun at her, she knew the pattern by now. "Dee, you should probably change your outfit. I don't know what _that_ is, but you look like some sort of drag queen."

Dee gasped, offended. So _what_ if she wore a rainbow sundress and brought along ruby red heels for the parade? And _maybe_ she went a little heavy on the eye liner and blush, but she, in no way, resembled a drag queen.

"No, I see it too," Charlie said. "You have the fake-looking hair… and those arms… and those wide shoulders of yours…"

"Wait," Dee interrupted him. "First you guys say I'm too skinny, now you say I have man shoulders?" She pulled her shoulders in, just to be sure. Damn guys would get her self-conscious all the time.

"No, I see it," Mac said.

"Me too," Dennis added. "Mom always thought you were a little butch, growing up."

"You know what…" She turned around from her seat to give Dennis a stare. If only looks could kill, everyone else in the car would be dead already. Either way, before she could finish, the car collided with something, and everyone jerked forward. The camera flew right from Dennis' hands to the front windshield, sending a crack that almost shattered the entire left side of the window.

Dee put a hand to her face. God, if someone could just kill her now…

"What the hell?!"

They had collided with another car, and apparently, that driver had just stormed out and headed towards Dee.

She sighed, unbuckling her seat belt and stepping outside to greet the man. The other guys followed, save Frank, who frantically banged against the trunk door.

The man who's car she had crashed into was stunningly handsome. Exactly her type… or one of them, at least. Tall, well-groomed, muscular, and stubble that was rugged enough to give to a thousand cowboys. Maybe she could get out of having to show her insurance (not that she had any) by wooing the man a little bit.

"Oh sir…" She tried to make her voice sound _sexy_ but Dennis's grimace told her that she wasn't going a very good job. Fine, she'd have to bring out the _big guns_. She pulled down the neckline of her dress again, showing just a tad more boobie than usual. Not enough that more than half of it could be seen, just enough that the man would be enticed and leave without asking for her identification.

"Put those away," the man said before glancing at the guys for a moment.

Dee sighed, then went back to her regular voice. "Listen, dude, I don't have…"

Dee saw it. The guy's eyes lingered on Mac for just a moment too long. "You know what," he said. "It's just a little scratch. This car was a piece of shit anyway. I'll be getting a new one soon. I'll uh… don't crash into anyone again…" With that, he briskly walked back to his own car and left. Dee noticed that his bumper had a magnet of a rainbow with the LGBT logo. She smiled cheekily, not because it meant Mac wouldn't be a _total_ lost cause in the parade, but that the only reason that man didn't fall for her hooters was because he wasn't playing for her team.

"He got scared," Mac gloated. "This all-whey diet I've been on has seriously buffed me up to a point of no return." Dee didn't see the appeal to the guy, his arms were his only semi-attractive assets, and he still had powdered protein all over his chin and mouth. God, she hoped the next few days went well and she could get at least one of those _devils_ out of her hair for a while.


End file.
